Nobody Beats Dave: The Cool Kid Problem

The Story

Things had settled. Leo sits across from Dave now, Ally says about twelve words a day and every one of them counts, and Dave has learned things about himself which have in no way reduced his excellence.

Then Zach arrives — funny without trying, liked without effort — and Dave starts performing. Louder. Faster. Further from himself. By the time he notices what it is costing, Leo has already noticed.

The Cool Kid Problem is the second Nobody Beats Dave book: a sharp, very funny story about wanting to be liked and the difference between having an audience and having a friend.

For ages 9–12. Reads best after Book 1, but stands on its own.

Just so you know, I am still excellent.

I know I said some things in the last book about needing to win too much and learning stuff about myself and all of that. And I meant it. I genuinely did. But I want to be clear that the learning did not in any way reduce my excellence. If anything I think it improved it. I am now excellent AND self-aware which is honestly a lot to handle for one person.

My name is Dave. Just Dave. Nine years old, Year Five, Bloomfield Academy. You already know this. If you don’t, go read the first book. I’ll wait.

Things have settled since Leo. He sits across from me now and we have a way of working together that took some figuring out but we got there. Ally is still Ally — calm, honest, says maybe twelve words a day but every single one of them counts. Mrs Williams still has that specific look she saves for me. I have decided it means she thinks I’m exceptional and nobody can prove otherwise.

I am also still very good at maths. English. General knowledge. Football. And trumpet, which I started learning last term and is going very well. My teacher Mr Banks says I need to practise more consistently but I still think he says that to everyone.

It was a Monday morning and Mrs Williams was doing that thing she does at the start of the week where she goes through everyone’s homework from the weekend like a detective looking for evidence.

My homework was perfect. Obviously.

“Dave,” she said, holding up my sheet. “Good work.”

I nodded in the modest way I have been practising.

Leo got “excellent work” which I noted and filed away for later.

(We are friends now. I am still competitive. Both things are true.)

Mrs Williams moved on to the science lesson and wrote a question on the board that was honestly not that difficult. My hand was up before she finished writing.

She turned around, saw my hand, and gave me the look. The specific one. Between impressed and oh here we go.

“Dave,” she said. “I haven’t finished writing the question.”

The complete Nobody Beats Dave set

Three books, read in order — Dave meets his match, Dave learns what a friend is actually for, and Dave falls over in front of an entire concert hall. All three as EPUB and PDF, downloaded straight away.